forever till forever meets no end

Saturday, April 12, 2008 @7:10 PM

singapore open = frigging screwed.

oh my shit i swear today's mat try out practice routine was just the worst i ever ever did in my whole entire frigging career of rhythmic gymnastics. screw it.

dropped kua tiao da pao which by the way wasn't even 180 degrees
dropped lu tian shuang bang pao which didn't touch my head
dropped ending gun fan pao.

argh freaking bloody hell i just basically threw away all the difficulty movements which means i'm gonna get like zero tomorrow and come in 6th position out of 6 competitors.

i don't get why even though i try so hard to do the routine properly at least once it still ends up so shi bai and screwed. like even when i hadn't even gone onto the mat already, i was freaking spasming ie. shivering cause i was so scared.

gosh i'm losing it and i have utterly no confidence in my self for tomorrow at all cause i know i'm just doomed to failure for this competition and i'm gonna just end up last tomorrow.
i am totally the recipe for failure. never in my life have i felt so freaking pathetic.

after getting off the mat i was just on the verge of tearing. cause honestly i have never performed this badly before. knees not straight at all and i got no height when i jump and i look like a freaking big blob of fat wobbling around the mat. fantastic. one look at myself tells me i need to lose weight like now.

oh freaking damn it.